And Love Said No [entries|friends|calendar] demgoth [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[25 Jan 2006|07:12pm] [ music | Bush - Machinehead ] Yea, so it's been awhile since I've updated this thing. A lot has happened since the last post, and thankfully everyone's still here. I did pretty bad last semester, hopefully that'll change this time around. I have less to worry about outside of school this semester so far, so that's a good thing. Had a month off for winter break, which was nice although it seemed to go by quickly. Anyway, I plan on posting some of the pictures I took in Europe sometime soon, I know it's been too long. I still feel like just yesterday I was still a senior in HS, that's how fast this past summer and following months have gone by for me. Is it really 2006 already? Somebody shoot me. "If I had it all again I'd change it all." -Bush (the band) 3 comments|post comment

[12 Oct 2005|12:27am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | HIM - Play Dead (wish i could) ] Nothing has changed. I haven't gone to Calculus since the Midterm (I still have no idea how I did), so that brings the total to.. 6 absences in like 13 classes. Yea, I definitely screwed myself in that class, good job. My best friend wants to kill himself, and though he says he never will, I can't not worry about it every waking minute now.. Nobody except him and those who read this shit know about how unhappy I am, and I feel like I really should tell my mom, but I can't.. I have just about zero motivation to do anything right now. I put off an English paper that was due Monday and now I have to hand it in late tomorrow.. I just wish I could just get a job in Staten Island and not go to college, I just can't ever see myself being happy like this. I'm lonely as fuck. The only thing I have to look forward to is the Halloween CKY show, and after that, who knows what'll keep me ticking. 3 comments|post comment

[26 Sep 2005|11:58pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Aqua Teen Hunger Force ] Okay, so I had a pretty good weekend, came back to Philly today. Now, for reasons I'm not going to go into I didn't go to Calculus at all last week. Now today I was casually walking back from J&H when I had a vague memory of seeing on the Calc. website that there was a MIDTERM (1 of 2) on Tues. Sept 27th. Hmm, that sucks.. I pondered.. oh wait, that's TOMORROW. Now, this is some predicament I've managed to get myself into after only one month of college. Wow. That's all I can say. This class is the worst Mathematics class I've taken in my life. I took Calculus for my senior year in high school, and this class is way beyond what I learned in that. Add to that, that my prof. is a Russian math genius who teaches one thing about the chapter in class, does an example, and then gives homework on the whole chapter, and expects us to learn everything on our own. Now, I know that that's what college is all about, hard work, and blah blah. FUCK IT. I don't want anything to do with college anymore, and I've only been here a month. I don't want to go to class anymore, and I don't want to be here. But, for the sake of those who finance my life, I will try. I will wake up tomorrow at 8 or so and study my ass off to the best of my ability and do my best on the midterm (seriously, who the fuck gives a midterm after one month, keep in mind the class meets TWICE a week). I just can not wait until 2:00PM tomorrow afternoon, because that's when that class is done, and then I'm seriously gonna need to smoke like 20 cigarettes if I'm not able to get pot (I'm trying to cut down on cigarettes, but this isn't helping). Anyway, if anyone reads this between now and tomorrow, 12:10PM, wish me luck. Goodnight.. 2 comments|post comment

[18 Sep 2005|11:34pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Harvey Birdman ] So yea, normal weekend. Hung out with Rocco Friday night and Saturday before he went to New Jersey to his sister's apartment. Didn't do much else, came back to Philly early-ish today and did this English assignment. Watched Family Guy and some other shows but now I'm kinda bored. I guess it's hard to go from hanging out every day to hanging out only once a week or less, because I've been feeling pretty bored lately on campus. I should go down to Center City more often, but I still wish I had someone consistant to hang out with like Rocco. I also wish I didn't have class every day, but that's enough complaining. I bought tickets yesterday for the CKY show at the Electric Factory on Halloween, should be a hell of a time. The Sept. 6th show at Irving Plaza was amazing, but this will totally blow that show away. Anyway, I have English and French tomorrow. I think I'll smoke after French, just to get my mind off of things.. worked pretty well this weekend. 'Til next time.. 2 comments|post comment

[14 Sep 2005|04:33pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | In Flames ] I had the weirdest dream last night. Everyone I know from everywhere was all going to the same school in Manhattan, but for some reason it had a gravel parking lot (non-existant in Manhattan lol). Anyway I parked my car in this lot and then went inside and everyone was running around trying to escape from god knows what. I was there to pick up some girl who I didn't know and she ran by me and told me to go wait in the parking lot while she got her shit. So I went outside with people still running by me, and ran into Caitlin Kielty for some reason who I haven't seen since I guess I left SIA. I talked to her for a few seconds and asked her what she was doing. She said she was getting married (strange, yes) and all of a sudden there was a giant cathedral next door to the school. Well I was pretty dumbfounded and then all of a sudden the girl I was there to pick up comes running out of the school and tells me to run to the car, and she had about 100 people going crazy chasing after her. We ran over to my car and she got in, and I went around to the driver's side and this old guy in a suit came running at me screaming at the top of his lungs. I punched him in the face and I heard the bones in his face break. Then I jumped into my car and even though 100 people were chasing us, I backed out slowly so I wouldn't hit the 4 or 5 classic cars that were parked around me, lol. Then we sped out of the lot and got on the FDR drive. We started driving over the Brooklyn Bridge and when we were on the middle, all of a sudden the bridge collapsed from the ends inward and our car plummeted into the water, and when it hit the water, I woke up. Weird huh? When I woke up it was pouring out too. Anyway, I woke up at like 11:30, totally slept through my 10:40 class, oh well. Did my French HW and then went to French, had a quiz which was simple. Got out of that at 3:30, got something to eat, and now I'm just listening to music in my dorm. Later. post comment

[12 Sep 2005|03:29pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | roommate's music ] I know I haven't been updating this regularly, but nothing really worth writing about every day has been happening to me lately. I'm still dealing with last post's issues but I guess things will work out eventually. This weekend was pretty good. Went home on Friday and hung out with Rocco & Brian who came back from Florida for the weekend. Also hung out with Don and a few of his friends. I know that I'm probably going home too often or whatever, at least according to most people that know about it, but I really don't see what's wrong with it. It's an hour and a half drive which is nothing, and one of the reasons I liked Temple so much in the beginning was because of that close proximity, going "away" to college but not really away. I don't really know what else to say to people. It's my choice. Anyway last night was pretty cool. Rocco, Brian & I watched the first 4 episodes of Lost on dvd which was pretty good, and then we watched the new season premiere of Family Guy, good as always. I took a codeine, drank 2 beers, and we all smoked a bunch. I guess it would look pretty bad if I went back home this coming weekend, so I'm going to try not to, no matter how crazy I drive myself. 2 comments|post comment

[08 Sep 2005|11:47pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | adult swim ] Alright, so college is alright. I can't really explain it but I feel unhappy. The atmosphere is cool, the people are nice, the campus is cool, and my classes are decent but I still feel a void. I don't know. I guess it's a mixture of regret for not hanging out some high-school people before it was too late, loneliness in a way because I don't really know anyone here (I am making new friends, it just seems like A LOT of people knew each other pretty well before coming here), and I guess disappointment in myself because I feel really ungrateful and undeserving of everything my family's done for me, including sending me here. I don't know why, but I can't seem to get into classes and doing work, and all I really want to do is go back to SI and chill with Rocco, which I'm doing probably too much for my own good already. It seems that since I returned from Europe everything has been a blur and now I'm here in college, totally unprepared mentally and physically. Walking around campus, going to classes, and getting stuff to eat have been solitary ventures so far.. and I would be lying if I said I wasn't lonely. I find myself just going outside and smoking a cigarette or 3 just to pass some of the free time I have. I don't think it's only because of the above mentioned stuff, but I guess you could describe how I feel as 'depressed', which is something I haven't been in a long time, or maybe I was just telling myself I wasn't. With all of this time and no one to really talk about personal things with I've just been thinking way too much about all of this which is just depressing me more. I did pretty well in high school, but I didn't really try too hard. Now that I have to actually work I feel like I can't do it, or that I have no motivation to, which leads to me to feel like I don't deserve to be in this good college that my family is paying for. I am glad to be out of high school but I wish I could go back just for the feeling of security and knowing that everything was gonna work out. Now that I'm in college I guess this big realization that I need to be responsible and work pretty hard if I want to make a decent life for myself and for my future family (hopefully). I also have no idea about what I want to do with myself and my life, and that isn't such a great feeling. Anyway, that's enough for this update, I'm going to sleep. Goodnight internet. 3 comments|post comment

Shit [21 Aug 2005|02:41pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | In Flames - Land of Confusion ] This summer went way too fast for my liking. It's Sunday, and on Thursday (which is also my 18th birthday) I have to move to college. Jesus. Then on the 29th I start classes. Yea, I feel like I had a good summer, but I'm mad at myself for not trying harder to hang out with the people I miss from my high school. I guess it's alright. I went to Europe for 2 weeks in July and it was the best vacation I've ever been on. I have tons of pictures (like 500 or so) so maybe I'll post some sooner or later. My favorite cities were definitely Paris and Venice. Both were amazing and beautiful. When I got back I was almost depressed to be in America, yet happy to be home at the same time because I was so worn out. Anyway, the rest of the summer I spent hanging out with my one and only friend Rocco and his bf Brian sometimes, smoking. Yea, so I don't feel at all ready to move out to college yet. Oh well, I can't do anything about it. 5 comments|post comment

[01 Jun 2005|11:39am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | HIM - Killing Loneliness (Acoustic) ] Shit, it's June already. That went fast. So basically I graduate on Saturday, which is awesome, and then I have three months to just chill and enjoy NYC before I head over to Philly. This summer is shaping up to be a great one, hopefully I will be able to hang out with some of the people that I'll be missing from school, because in this last month at high school I realize there are quite a few I will miss. I don't have time for bullshit anymore, or fake people, so all of you can just fuck off and get out of my life now. I've got bigger and better things/people to worry about. post comment

[18 Apr 2005|04:39pm] [ music | Dispatch - Open Up ] So, this weekend was fun and exhausting. Saturday Rocco & I headed into Manhattan to see The Laramie Project at LaGuardia because our friend Jackie was in it. We drank a little bit before we left so it was a fun journey. When we got there, we got the tickets and then smoked a bowl outside in Riverside Park, it was beautiful. The play started at 7:30 and it was excellent. Everyone that was in it was fantastic, and afterwards, we waited for everyone to come out from the basement and we all traveled together into Brooklyn to 13th & Whyte to a space rented out by the Drama majors for the big afterparty. We got there at like 12:30am. There were about 200 people there and I don't think anyone was sober. There was so much pot, alcohol, & other assorted drugs at the party, and the cops almost came in twice, but luckily they didn't. It was a great time, and we all traveled back home together, extremely fucked up. We got on the 4:30am ferry and didn't get back to Rocco's house until 5:45am because of an asshole bus driver. Anyway, the rest of the weekend was as per usual. Wednesday is 4/20. You know what that means. Peace post comment

[03 Apr 2005|09:12pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Dispatch - Bats in the Belfry ] Well, my vacation has come to an end, and like most vacations I feel like it went somewhat quickly. But anyway, I spent the last weekend of it exactly how I wanted to. Friday night I hung out with Rocco and his friends from school Melanie and Lisa. It was pretty fun. Anyway Saturday I hung out with Rocco during the day and then around 8 we went to Jackie's house where we had a great time hanging out and getting drunk. After talking to Jackie I feel closer to her now because we have similar situations, and I commend her for being the strongest person I know. Anyway we woke up at around 9 and then watched Family Matters (lol) for an hour before leaving at 11. Later on Rocco and I met Jackie at the mall where we hung out for a little while longer. After that, Rocco and I went to his grandparents' house in Shore Acres and chilled there and smoked a little bit. All in all it was a great weekend. Also, I have an interview with CVS this week. Hope that works out. post comment

[27 Mar 2005|10:02pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Incubus - The Warmth ] This past week has been pretty enjoyable since there's been no school. I spent the first few days in Philadelphia checking out my school (Temple) and seeing the Salvador Dali exhibit at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It was fun, and I plan on going back on April 15th to see Muse play at Temple ironically for MTV Campus Invasion. Anyway since I got back I've been chilling with Rocco and Charles & smoking a lot. This vacation has been great so far and I'm stoked that I have this whole week off too. I need it. Anyway Friday night Rocco & I went to Jackie's house where we drank with her, Madeline, Jessica, and Jackie's brother & her friends. It was a great night, and I got very fucked up, and ended up passing the fuck out on the floor after falling outside looking for Rocco who had gone out to his car. It was very amusing. Anyway, the next morning I got sick from too much vodka (like 18 shots), and left Jackie's early and went to Rocco's where I was still sick. After some rest and a blunt I felt better but still a little hungover. Anyway, we went back to Jackie's and chilled there for a little while and then we all ended up at Rocco's house afterwards. Then I went home and fell asleep early. Today I went to my Grandparents' house for Easter and it was pretty good. After coming home I went to Charlie's cousin's house for a little while in South Beach where we walked on the boardwalk and chilled there a little bit before going back to Charlie's house. I just got home from there a few minutes ago. Tomorrow, looks like wake n' bake and then I have to go get an check-up/oil change for my car and maybe some new windshield wipers, possibly chrome. Bling bling. Haha. Anyway ..Peace for now. post comment

[16 Mar 2005|08:14pm] This summer my mother and I are going to Europe. I can't wait. Here's a list of where we're going: Rome, Italy Pisa, " Florence, " Venice, " Cortina, " Innsbruck, Austria Vaduz, Lichtenstein Lake Lucerne, Switzerland Paris, France Calais, " Kent, UK London, " Should be a hell of a time. 1 comment|post comment

[13 Mar 2005|04:41pm] [ mood | happy ] Great fucking weekend. post comment

[01 Mar 2005|11:00pm] [ mood | oblivious ] Goodbye post comment

[27 Feb 2005|04:53pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Sweet Pandemonium ] Quick update- -Senior 100 Days was on Thursday, it was alright, but for a few reasons I didn't enjoy it as much as I was hoping I would. School should end now, because I can't take it anymore. -Haven't really been motivated to play guitar lately which sucks, I haven't gone in like 2 weeks either. -Rocco's dad is in the hospital because of his heart, I hope everything will be alright with that. -Prom is coming up, and it's looking like I probably won't go. I want to, but I don't have anyone to go with and I'm not one for dancing really, + $300 is a little bit much. Hmm, anything else?... Nope. post comment

[14 Feb 2005|10:38pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Muse - Hysteria ] lol @ me getting an ear infection but hey, at least I get to miss more school. 1 comment|post comment

[18 Jan 2005|11:04pm] [ mood | anxious ] Not much to say, spent the night at Jacky's house. Can't wait to get on with this shit. post comment

[20 Dec 2004|09:44pm] [ music | TMV - The Widow, Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy ] Everything's been pretty good lately. Since the last time I've updated I guess I've done a few notable things. They aren't in order but.. -saw The Incredibles, while incredibly high, with Jacky and Madeline -got my car fixed -countless days and nights of just chilling with Rocco, Alisa, Julia, Jacky, Madeline, whoever else -decorated a little bit.. -applied to Temple, finally. -went Christmas shopping for mostly everyone, it was hard. Well, it still doesn't feel like the Christmas season to me yet, and I'm kinda pissed that I have school up until the day before Christmas Eve.. what the fuck? Also, I don't know what it is but lately I feel like I've been missing out on something, but I don't even know what. Oh well. I probably won't update until it's 2005 so, Happy Holidays to everyone. post comment

[28 Nov 2004|07:42pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | John Legend - Used To Love You ] Haven't updated in awhile because I'm getting kinda tired of remembering all this shit about what's been going on to write it all down. But, I did have an eventful Thanksgiving break so I guess I'll talk about that. Tuesday night Rocco, his sister, and I went to see Marilyn Manson perform at the Starland Ballroom. The show was amazing and he sounded and performed amazingly. Rocco took off from school Wednesday to chill with me since I had off. Thursday was Thanksgiving dinner at Grandparents house. The food was pretty good. Friday night I quit my job, and it wasn't easy on me but I had to because I was unhappy. Anyway, hanging out with Rocco, Julia, and Alisa on Friday night made things better. Saturday was a great day. Rocco and I went to Jackie's birthday party at her house in Annadale and it was great. We gave her the best gifts, and there were many people there with drinks and blunts a plenty. Hanging out with Jackie, Madeline, Rocco, and everyone there was a blast. Everyone passed out in her house between 4AM and 6AM, and we woke up at around 9-10. We left and drove Madeline home and then chilled until around 6. Now I'm here doing my shitty Thanksgiving homework. Til next time. post comment

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